Under Silver Birch Tree

From my balcony, not drinking coffee

I was watching this movie
'Begin Again'
cause having the biggest crush on Mark Ruffalo is eternal
I finished and will not elaborate and be a Spoiler.

I find it odd that emotionally I can relate to the situation
People who know me, don't really know me
as in what I like.. my preference in anything..
I have never met anyone who actually genuinely understands me
Parents? yeah they love me unconditionally,
doesn't mean they know me, my beautiful and ugly
I don't share to avoid feelings

I don't like remixes, I don't like meaningless pop songs
I don't like over-reacting, I don't like sultry music
I don't like jumping up and down, I don't like forceful vibes
with words that I will never understand.

*put your hands up in the air, wave/shake'em like you just don't care*
some sort of exercise? a mass movement? twerk?
What!? Temporary happiness is cool... temporarily
after it all ends, all thats left is emptiness

Emotion, Heart and Soul.. now those are real things
there is less of those, why? Cause they're no fun?
Well whatever but it's real, but everyone has different ways of letting it out

*sipping imaginary Hot Chocolate that I wish I had in my hand*

Recently I applied to do my internship overseas..

Words you never voice out will never be heard..

We just hurt in the dark, we'll just dwell in our own dark feelings..
I do understand what it means to not belong
I apparently feel it 23/7 a day, I give myself a break on the 24th hour
I give reasons and calm myself on the 24th hour just to stop me from doing stupid shit
I give reasons to myself and hope tomorrow will be different, tomorrow might be better
Tomorrow has the secret of the unending hope we all dream of
the wish of Tomorrow is what's keeping me going and alive..
I need to be alive for tomorrow.. only until my time is up

How do I spend my weekend..
So how do I spend it? What did I do? Was it interesting?
It was suppose to be some family 'quality time' together
BUT
It was spent on another wedding of someone I dont know

It was the wedding of the  grandchildren of someone who has passed away..
Its very interesting because that someone who I don't know or might never get to appreciate better
was someone who took care of my grandfather when he got shot.
In his police days.. I don't know what the exact scenario was, but what I imagined it would have been...
Forrest Gump? Saving Pvt Ryan? Rambo?

What matters is this man was there loyally helping my grandfather.. So..
I dont think it matters that I know him or I like him or not,
I have to go to this event in honour of him,
Because if he wasn't there, my generation.. My Mum's generation might be different, and I might not be here so there..

PS: Food was great :)

I guess growing up is a continuous process, I haven't been that lucky cause in whatever I do, I'm just... Average, I was really good at something like.. drawing...
What happened? why did I stopped? I can't do it as well as I did.. To tell the truth I've become soo Lazy.. that I'm not sure where I stand right now
Will I survive, looks like I am my own enemy and Friend.. Cause if I don't do it, I'm sure as Hell Nobody will do anything..
Just keep holding on, Just a little more *under my breath*