Under Silver Birch Tree

In the compound of our cozy lil 2 storey crib, there was this shady mango tree that had many branches but had only produced like ONE fruit in its entire life.

I don't know how this goes..
What goes? I'm just gonna write what I want for this one

Where does this lead me

Every day it seems I'm too slow, relentlessly people around me have been giving me advice. Words cannot explain how thankful I am, I love and treasure them for that. How can I make it up to them? For someone who's soooo new to this part of an illusive impugnment world. Its been 3 months since I jumped into this vast unblending crimson and cerulean pool of wordplay. I've been making countless mistakes..
Improve step by step they said, Mum said, that voice behind me said. I always tell myself each morning.

Mom Dearest

Realising my mum's love. How to appreciate it? I've been coming home so late and exhausted almost every waking day.. Can't stop that addiction of midnight phone 'toggling' or that late night awesome show. Just 'record' it I tell myself. To my dismay when is it alright for me to actually watch it? Weekends are just too overrated.. Its the only time for all of us to rest and enjoy some lazy dazey day. Holidays are spent with 'crazier then life' relatives, visits and frilly weddings, lots and lots of weddings.. I'm not gonna lie, I do wonder when will the time come for me to wear those expensive, fragile, delicate, death defying dresses. All I need now is a groom. Guess he just got lost in the Forest of Never Return.

Have you ever?

Have you ever texted a total stranger and it gets even stranger that you would actually find them interesting and wishes to meet up, maybe for dinner or a casual date. HAH! Life is shockingly about self-control and rationality. Don't believe me? I've been trying to hint him about going out, he gives tiny hopes and possibilities. I tried so freaking hard to grasp them but then he just brushes it off like a lil annoying fly, SPLAT! With a rolled up magazine about cheap gadgets. *sigh* it still is a work in progress. Maybe I will just have to try extra harder. This dude really tests my patience, for your information I'm a pretty patient person... Just don't be one of those people who takes advantage on my generosity, I'll never forget you.. See...  Self-control and rationalism.

Funny Insecurity

Who doesn't have an insecurity... face it we aren't perfect, though this has nothing to do with that.
I love to read online articles or anything mostly about women. Of course cause I'm a woman, I'm sorry new world, I will not conform to the 'trending' gender being all kinds of unicorns and fantastic beasts. and as the community demands respect, I will also demand respect for my views. BTW This is different, ain't even close cause these materials mostly have visuals of sensual or provocative women posing in them, wearing less 'drapery' then the usual human being would most of the time. I'm afraid if people in this office might think I'm into this kind of things, or whether my preferences are more towards men or women. Of course I'd feel even more insecure about all this mumbo, I happen to like to see these photos too *kinda* I'd think of what a crazy pretty girl SHE is or wow, her skin is so nice, what does she use or are those real?, that's pretty or that's not, is she crazy or does she realise the world is looking at her. And the #1 thought that always pops up in my mind, ' I wish I had a body like that so that I can wear nice clothes like jeans or skirts and look good. Its an insecurity, a motivation, a fashion info.. Its a tell all for a girl who is in the dark about these stuffs. Judge if you will, and I will still breath fine tomorrow.

Movies gives us the impression that everyone is understanding, no matter how offensive words become, how hateful people turn out, there's always humor in life and everything works out in the end. the end, happily ever forever or whatever.

How is that ever our life?
I can't even relate to it in the most significant way..
I think Star Wars was closer to home rather than 'How I met you mother'..

Nobody has that perfect combo.. Yes we plan things and it could turn out as great as that routine of seeing your friends and talk and share and experience being dumb..

But then life hits us hard.. theres hospital bills, emergencies, accidents, family problems, getting ill, moving away, getting fired.. broke. I think that is fantasy, why? because I dreamed of one day having that kind of lifestyle, which is hell impossible.. never gonna happen.. just nope.

So back it all up.. I have this gutsy feeling.. that I hate problems.. I hate having to work things out, you might hate me and say that's harsh or cruel or inhumane, but peeps.. psychologically it's not surprising due to the fact that people just dump their problems at me, I'm not saying it's not ok, I do feel wanted, or needed or along that line but, then what.. they go around with their own buddies for happy time?

Do I not deserve happy time with you? Do I not deserve happyness?

Why do always have to match my time and effort to everyone elses?..

I have younger relatives like most of everyone, but does everyone have to manage your time to fit in your younger relative's schedule? Why am I treated like a child when the younger ones are treated fairly better..

Its not far for me to complain about it,
but I just don't have a pillar to lean on anymore,
Every night I feel empty, but depressed and I just look up to dear lord.

I just need to be hugged,
Just a good tight, arms tangled hug.
A smile would be nice too, just smile at me and say
'You're doing great, everything is gonna be Okay'
'You're trying very hard, you're doing a good job'
'You're fine, It's ok'
'You havent cried for so long, are you sure your fine'
.....

Everywhere around us, websites were popping up with Star Wars ads

People were talking non-stop about it

Billboards, posters, EDMS, games, radios and even musical or parody tributes to this epidemic of Epic-ness in 2015. So proud.. right?

Why this much publicity for a continuation of a movie franchise that took over 10 years to finally see the day of premier.

Is it that much more important that people aren't allowed to talk about it after watching the movie?
Is it some sort of unspoken taboo?

It just bogles my mind... as some deny to relate here...

To say the least, I read somewhere in a reliable source (9gag) a human broke out the spoilers and he got bashed up by a bunch of other humans dressed as fictional characters, also known as Star Wars die-hard-fans or fanatics.

In some way, he was being a jerk, yes.. 
but in another, was it necessary to resort to such violence?

Its so unbecoming of the generations of 'NOW' to get violent over something so trivial.

How can you behave in a way that strongly portrays that another human life is less important then knowing what finally happens in the finale of the galactic crisis that doesn't even exist.. I can't even..

Just yesterday, a cousin told me an incident where a mother was beaten by her son, flesh and blood, because she didn't cook that particular day, being unhealthy that day. She didn't want him to be reported because of a mother's love.

Why isn't this being put on billboards and EDMs and radios or even news? 
You might think its such small matter. But really.. priorities have turned 180 degrees. I feel so disgusted by this action of no shame towards a crime bigger then murder. Yes, bigger then murder, having even groan at a mother to me is such a sin. Don't ask why, people all over the world should know why.

But in the end, I'm a Star Wars fan too..
I will watch this 'twisted imagination of a man's dream' movie someday, 
and I know I'm gonna love it.

I will reminisce of the days I had a crush on the log-like actor Hayden Christensen, 
my oh ever so charismatic Harrison Ford,
the day I discovered gorgeous man Liam Neeson,
and my forever young imaginary lover Ewan McGregor.. 

Something about Irish man that just screams my name and I melt... sigh

To end things in good term...

What I'm trying to say is, Real life occurrences deserves to get high publicity as fiction.
Everyday we were having 'third world late Star Wars movie watchers' problems...

Everywhere else there are third world problems getting dog poo...
world hunger, over-population, fatal disease, discrimination, domestic violence, bombing, shootings, assassinations, murders, human trafficking, bully and terrible choices of presidency candidates...

This is just the tip of the never ending dying world of today. Go figure.